The Cyclical Universe

This weekend I got to thinking about the universe, time, and myself.

I can remember as a child in elementary school having a theory of how the universe worked. I drew pictures of it, and tried to explain it to my friends and family. It was my work on the puzzle of how eternity could coexist with the laws of physics. We all know that there is such a thing as infinity. All children know that- the first thing they teach you in math is that there is no such thing as “the biggest number”. Infinity is an essential part to many physics equations.

The more I live the more evidence I find to support my childhood thesis. It is as if everything I read, everything I experience leads me to one conclusion. Although the thinking behind it gets more complicated each time I return to it, I think it’s a concept that can be very clearly stated.

Newton’s third law- “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. I think eternity can be explained by looking at this on it’s side. Every reaction has been caused by an action, and there is no original action. Or perhaps the original action could be called The Universe, or Existence. If you try to trace an action back to it’s source, eventually you’ll get to the Big Bang, what is commonly seen as the ‘birth’, or the ‘beginning’ of the universe.

Every fifth grader knows though, that if you take the smallest number you can think of and subtract it by one you have a smaller number. Take the Big Bang and subtract one, and you’ve got the Big Crunch. It didn’t happen because of God, it happened because of a few simple rules of physics. The universe expands and contracts. Every time the earth cools, man evolves, and eventually you are born. So when you die, from your perspective you’ll immediately be reborn (because you obviously can’t observe the time that exists in-between your death and your next birth), and get started living your life over.

The moral of the story is to live your life the way you want to live it. You still have time to alter your destiny. Even though this theory provides added incentive for living the life that would make you happiest (since you’re going to have to repeat it, might as well make it something to look forward to), if it’s not true what would you have lost?

Intro to Sociology Reading Journal (unedited)

“Living Above the Martinis”

When I read this essay I thought of something I’m reading in my english class- “The Spoon River Anthology”. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, it’s pretty famous- but I’ll explain it anyway. It’s a collection of poems about these fictional characters in a small fictional town. Each poem is sort of a page long summation of that person’s life, written by that person. They sometimes talk of how lonely they were, some love that broke their heart, or how they died. The stories sort of build up, and begin to paint a picture of life in this town- one man talks about joining the army to escape jail (he dies in a Civil War battle), and a page or two later his girlfriend says that he really joined the army because she cheated on him. One character will reference and shed a new perspective on many others- everyone has their own viewpoint of the story and the town, and they’re the hero in their own story.

The talk of “Middletown” and characters with fictional names reminded me of Spoon River. This book is probably more effective than any sociological look at providing an accurate look at American life (especially at it’s time, and because it was about a rural town instead of a city).

“When Sociology Was Cool”

You wrote that C. Wright Mills “showed us how sociology could lay bare the secret workings of the world”. How?

I don’t think there are secret workings to the world. I guess it depends on what you mean by ’secret workings’, but people have been trying to figure out why the world works the way it does long before sociology was invented. I don’t know if we’ve gotten any closer than the ancient civilizations.

Philosophy tries to find these secrets- so does psychology, art, literature, history, and political science. None of them have though. What Mills was trying to do was blur the lines to fit all these pursuits under the umbrella of sociology. When you broaden the definition of sociology to mean “the study of how people deal with modernity”, then all of those different things qualify. A lot of things can fit that category- that’s why we talk about ‘accidental documentaries’. If sociology was a strict science, then they wouldn’t be very useful, but since the definition has been enlarged to fit all discussion on modern life, then the signs we see in the Student Union become artifacts useful for sociology studies. If the word becomes that broad though, then what’s the point of the word? Doesn’t it become a synonym for ‘life’?

Doing Documentary Work

I really like the documentaries that are about a person’s life. In The Devil’s Playground I liked the parts that followed the meth-dealing amish teenager more than I cared about the culture, or the ceremony. Probably because it’s easier to understand something abstract like those things. It’s easy to quickly understand that an Amish person is someone that lives in a contained community, and rejects modern comforts, and that when they turn 16 the children leave to decide if they want to join the church and go nuts. That stuff is just a matter of definition, it doesn’t take any real thinking or understanding. Learning about a person though, takes time and a lot of thought. Those documentaries are also the ones that have the more important messages, and can make more of an impact. They show that people are all basically the same, and even when they do something we wouldn’t, they have their reasons. The other stuff you can get in an encyclopedia.

Stafford’s poem in relationship to Doing Documentary Work

Well, I guess there are two types of documentaries. The type from the perspective of someone looking in from the outside (the person who sits on the bench and thinks maybe he’s a king), or from the inside looking out (the people walking on the sidewalk wondering who that guy is). The first is about what happens in society or the world. It’s easy stuff, like ‘What’s the mating habits of fish?’, or ‘This is how a company markets a product’. The second type is more interesting, and tells somebody’s story. You could make a documentary about the guy sitting on the bench whether he really was a king or not. The fact that he’s sitting there and wondering makes his story worth telling.

“Pull My Daisy”

Pull My Daisy was interesting as a record of these great artists and writers hanging out and joking around with one another. I didn’t really get much out of the story. It seemed like a long round about way of saying that Allen Ginsberg and pals made for interesting company for a bishop.

The entertaining part was Jack Kerouac’s narration. The improvisation is a chance to see how his mind worked, and it’s amusing to hear his silly thoughts. His attention bounces from one thing to the next- he talks about a chair or something subtle one second, and about poetry the next, and it’s so scattered that it’s funny. I think improvisation is a good way of really expressing yourself, because you don’t have time to filter and shape your words to make yourself look better. It’s not something that you’re born being able to do either. It’s not hard, but you have to do it a little before you can improvise a whole film’s narration. You should learn to be spontaneous, to be creative, and how to improvise in school.

Episode 225 of This American Life

I don’t know what to say other than what you’ve gone over in class. Home movies are accidental documentaries because people can learn a lot more about a person and the way he lived by watching them than the author would have imagined. I thought the Rosh Hashana film was a little odd. An colorful, offbeat family isn’t real unusual, but why would he show girlfriends that film? He would tell them about how his aunt would ask him to try to grab her ass? That’s more interesting than his family reunion.

Episode 14 of This American Life

I liked the segment with the father who used to work on the radio. It’s sometimes odd to think about parents living normal lives before kids. The narrator never knew him as anything but an accountant, but he had this dream that he gave up on when his son was born. It was nice to think of him going back and working at a radio station in his retirement.

I felt a little awkward listening to the family in the first act. That was so personal- we don’t talk like that in our family. My parents don’t talk to me about problems they’re having in their marriage when they call at night, so it’s weird hearing somebody else’s very personal feelings. I don’t think I would have let the producer air my family’s tape. I wouldn’t care so much about myself (I’m pretty careful about not saying things I don’t want people to know), but this tape had his mother, father, and sister confiding in their personal problems.

This show demonstrates that everything is important in some way. Even the ad for a psychic from 1956, it’s relevant and important to somebody. In this case it’s the radio jockey’s son, but I could think of probably a dozen different reasons that’s important. Things that you do that are personal, and that you only do for yourself will probably one day be important for somebody (for a lot more reasons than you could have predicted).

Episode 203 of This American Life

Well….. these are accidental documentaries again….. which means that they are artifacts being examined for sociological use (something they weren’t designed for). These are specific in that they are communications created by one person to be heard by another. I think a collection of these from one source could be really interesting. You talk to your mom differently than you talk to you girlfriend, and your pals, but I think if you examined everything somebody said over a month or something, I think you could start to get a more complete picture of them. My computer automatically saves iChat messages with everyone I talk to (and it’s my main form of communication)- if somebody read all my chats from the beginning of the school year to now they would know a lot about me- more than I ever let one person know. It’s an interesting idea (they could probably even be arranged to form a story), but I don’t know if I could let go of my secrets that easily.

Shea Shackleford at Potsdam

I heard all this stuff before- I was there for the presentation. I stayed after to talk to Shea, and this other guy David ripped off my opening question in his NPR piece.

This sort of reinforces an idea I had started to get with the American Life stuff- radio people are weird. The first half of this podcast is Shea talking about his sex dream, and this other girl on the phone arranging a haircut appointment. Opening a show while you wake up, cooking breakfast and taking a shower is a weird thing, and not really something I’m interested in hearing. Then you have the nerdy NPR producer who turned being popular in high school into a science experiment, and another who brings dates home to watch his Rosh Hashana home movie…. radio people are weird dudes. How do you open your radio pieces?

Found Magazine

I’m kind of tired of websites that are built around audience participation. It’s cool to have a place to post videos or notes you find, but then they publish a book or magazine full of them, or sell their site to a big company for millions and you don’t get anything. Wikipedia, YouTube, Myspace, Found Magazine, PostSecret, they’re all built on content and work other people do. It says something about our society that people are willing to work and spend time just for attention or to share something, and then are fine with someone else making money off it. It also makes me think about how I distribute the things I make. I think I’m going to have to get a website and start posting videos and songs and all the stuff I make. Promote it on these leech sites, but have the actual product on my own website. Only put a trailer on YouTube, or a song or two on a music site. I don’t care if no one makes money on things I make, but it doesn’t sit well to have someone other than myself be the only one making money.

Anyway, Found Magazine’s neat. It’s like a safe, virtual way of spying into someone’s window. If I find something good though, it’s going on my blog- not Found.

Life, The Movie

This book is about how entertainment has become such a big thing in society that it influences everyone. Celebrities have become the news, and we all try to live our lives like they are movies. I agree with him. I’m a freshman in college, and I think it’s pretty easy to see that a lot of my peers like to not only see their lives as movies, but emulate them. Movie quotations have replaced a lot of conversations. Instead of people taking the time to think of jokes and being funny themselves, they’ll just recite a line from a movie that was. I’ve started calling people out when they do it- asking them what that movie has anything to do with our conversation, or if writing a joke is too hard for them. My hall is full of kids that like to act like they’re the subject of some dumb MTV show, and I’ve for years known girls that like to pretend they’re pop stars. It’s all an act though- they act that way in public, and then turn it off when you get them alone.

The Tablods

I can’t read this stuff. I just don’t care about other people’s lives. I’m interested in a few people, but only so far as what they’re working on, how they work, or when their next album’s coming out. I don’t care if Britney Spears is getting divorced, I don’t care if the other Beatles didn’t like Yoko. Celebrity gossip isn’t any more interesting than real life gossip.

I also don’t know many people that would admit to caring about this stuff. I’m sure if I brought it up in a group, everyone would say “Oh yeah, I hate the tabloids- who cares about celebrities personal lives?”. I bet everyone in this class is writing something like this. Everyone. But not everyone hates the tabloids- it’s not just a small niche in the population that pays attention to them. It’s a multi-billion dollar thing. Britney Spears and celebrity news made it to the top of all the major news outlet’s web pages. So….. people are full of shit, basically. But that’s not sociology really, it’s psychology.

Stafford’s poem in relationship to Life, The Movie

Well I guess that since Gabler’s saying we all are in a movie, then that means he would think we’re all that guy sitting on the bench, watching people go by in the rain. We’re either all sitting on benches in the rain, wishing that we were one of the people walking, or we’re all one of the people walking, but like to think we’re sitting and watching things. Like what I just wrote about the tabloids- everyone says they don’t like them, and don’t read them. They pretend like they’re sitting on the bench and not walking with everyone, but when they get home and go on CNN’s website or whatever, they all click on the news about Kevin Federline, or Mel Gibson before they click on the story about Iraq or Congress.

“This Town Sucks”

This semester made me appreciate my hometown. I went to school in Hyde Park, and we thought it was the most boring town in the world. There wouldn’t be anything to do on a Friday night. We’d get together and walk around some stores, or go have a meal at one of the diners nearby, but these activities were always our last resort- we always hoped we would be able to think of something better to do that night.

Maybe our favorite activity was late night drives through the rural county roads of nearby Pleasant Valley. A lot of the conversation that took place inside the car would be about how there was nothing to do. Now that I reflect on my first semester of college, I don’t know if I really did anything much more exciting than those drives in this new town.

I had never lived anywhere else. I was real excited about going to college and coming to Potsdam, because I was sure to find some excitement there, in a town with three colleges nearby. I got here on a Friday, and by the end of Saturday night I had started to realize that this wasn’t any more exciting than Hyde Park. There were the same boring parties, with cheap beer, and nothing to do afterwards. Once again I found that I was doing all my socializing while eating, and that conversation would often turn to how boring this town was.

I don’t know if I was just unlucky twice. This is another small town (much smaller than Hyde Park), so there would probably be more things to do in a big city. I’ll probably move to one of those next, but I already have a feeling that me and my friends will spend our time eating somewhere and complaining that there’s nothing to do without spending a lot of money.

My Reading Journal for Sociology of Culture (unedited)

‘When David Amram Was My Age’

I think it’s interesting that you are interested in the past, and David always wants to talk about the present. It makes sense when I think about it- that you as a professor and someone who is interested in studying society is focused on knowing about and understanding the past, while David the artist, wants to be a part of it and create.

I think I identify more with Amram. It’s interesting to think about the past and to read about the beat artists, but I feel like I’m doing more when I’m creating something like they would, rather than studying them.

Your conclusion that Amram is right, and living our lives in the “now” is hard because there are so many traps to fall into. There’s another trap in thinking that our lives should be like those of a movie heros, or a character we admire on television, or an artist we admire (Kerouac and Amram). It’s easier to admire someone else than to be yourself.

“Blues People”

Amiri Baraka makes the point in his book that African-Americans have constantly been trying to make their marks as free men with music. First they created blues, and when white European people identified with the blues, they created jazz. When white people became interested in jazz, Africa-Americans again had to redefine themselves by making bebop.

To some extent I think that’s right. The pattern certainly follows true- African-Americans were the first pioneers of many popular music forms of the 20th century. I don’t know if it was a conscious effort to define themselves though. In art there’s always an urgency to do something new, and these musicians were artists. Perhaps because they were African-American and were looked down on by whites anyway, they found it easier to try more experimental, far out things.

“Ghost World”

I didn’t really like Ghost World. The book doesn’t really have a cohesive story, or even a real substantial plot. I don’t have any idea what the overall message is. The two characters are mean, and spend the whole book sitting and criticizing people who are enthusiastic, or trying to live their lives. I guess that we aren’t supposed to relate to them, or even like them- so maybe the point is that you shouldn’t live your life like that. If anything, maybe you should even be like the people they’re criticizing and be enthusiastic. Don’t pay attention to people that put you down because they aren’t that great themselves.

That’s reading a lot into it, and thinking about it hard. I could attach a good life lesson to what you see walking down the street if I tried hard enough. Doesn’t substitute for good storytelling.

“Catcher in the Rye”

I didn’t really like the narrator of Catcher in the Rye at first. He’s a real negative guy- he calls everyone a phony, and criticizes everything. But Holden has redeeming qualities the main character in Ghost World doesn’t have. He is a crusader- a guardian of innocence. He wants Jane to guard her virginity, he wants to protect the idea the woman on the train has that her son is a nice kid, and he wants to protect his sister from leaving school and reading profanity on the walls.

He gives a negative narration because he’s coming to realize what a negative place the world is. I also sympathize with his dilemma over whether school is worth his time. Mr. Antolini tells him that school helps organize the ideas of brilliant and creative people, but I think that’s a lie. School doesn’t have anything to do with learning to organize creative ideas, it’s about spending your money and putting your time in- passing a test so you’re qualified for a job. And if Antolini is right, then school is just bad at doing what it’s supposed to.

“The Bell Jar”

Maybe I’m sexist, but I don’t like either of the coming of age stories with female main characters. Or maybe I can just better relate to the experiences particular to men. It just seems the Catcher in the Rye was more artful in expressing these ideas. The Bell Jar doesn’t hint at the themes, it beats you over the head with them. We think Holden’s had a break down, and is in a mental hospital. We have clues to that, but that’s not what the book is about- it’s about what lead up to that, and the internal struggle building inside the main character. The Bell Jar is about psychiatrists, and electroschock and suicide, and the results of having a break down. But Esther is depressed from the beginning of the book, and I don’t think the progression to the breakdown is as interesting. It kind of starts at the top (or near the top) and makes its way down, rather then starting at the bottom and taking the time and the work to make it to the top (the top being a grasp on the negative parts of life I guess).

The first half of “Vibrations”

I really liked the first half of Vibrations. I think individual stories are really entertaining, and a lot can be learned from them. I liked following the story of Amram from kid to an adult musician/composer, because I could relate to a lot of it. Not the parts about living in Washington or on a farm, but the musical development. It was nice to see that he didn’t start great, and he began with amateur orchestras just like I did. It seems obvious to say that nobody starts out great, but a lot of time is spent in the world convincing you that some people are just great. I don’t know if there is an artistic gene or not, but I think even if there is there are a lot of people who have it that suppress it because they don’t realize that people like David Amram start by playing in local orchestras and writing music for a friend’s college plays.

The second half of “Vibrations”

The second half of the book is alright. It’s not bad or anything- I just think that it’s more entertaining and useful to read about the rise of an artist, or a famous or important person than about what their life was like when they started to be successful. What does that say? I guess it’s more exciting to dream than to live. That must be why it’s so much fun being creative, because it’s a chance to bring a piece of your dreams to life.

“Pull My Daisy”

Pull My Daisy was interesting as a record of these great artists and writers hanging out and joking around with one another. I didn’t really get much out of the story. It seemed like a long round about way of saying that Allen Ginsberg and pals made for interesting company for a bishop.

The entertaining part was Jack Kerouac’s narration. The improvisation is a chance to see how his mind worked, and it’s amusing to hear his silly thoughts. His attention bounces from one thing to the next- he talks about a chair or something subtle one second, and about poetry the next, and it’s so scattered that it’s funny. I think improvisation is a good way of really expressing yourself, because you don’t have time to filter and shape your words to make yourself look better. It’s not something that you’re born being able to do either. It’s not hard, but you have to do it a little before you can improvise a whole film’s narration. You should learn to be spontaneous, to be creative, and how to improvise in school.

“Birth of the Cool”

I really liked Birth of the Cool. I knew a lot of the jazz stuff already, from watching the Ken Burns ‘Jazz’ documentary several times. They’re common stories. The great thing about the book is how it ties everything together. How cool progressed from Gillespie to Kerouac to Warhol and Dylan. Everything is connected, and this helps show how.

I wish it spent more time in the sixties. The book didn’t mention Ken Kesey at all, and I think he was an important figure in cool. Even still I was able to make connections with outside knowledge, because some of the people (older people usually) he was involved with were mentioned because they were important for other reasons (like Neal Cassady). Similarly, Hunter S. Thompson wasn’t mentioned in the book, and I think that the work he did had their roots in the earlier movements of cool. I suppose that these two people weren’t ‘cool’ in the traditional sense, and that the book couldn’t cover everything. Overall it was good though.

“The Conquest of Cool”

Even though it may be a little surprising- I don’t mind the conquest of cool. Commercialization is necessary for some people. While it isn’t what drives or is the incentive for the great artists, it allows them to exist and survive. Commercialization also forces artists to stay on the cutting edge of what is cool. To constantly redefine and make advancements in their art, because once something is popular it isn’t long before it’s no longer cool. Money not only makes the world go round, but it also makes sure that art continues to evolve, which I think is a good thing. It reminds me of something Andy Warhol once said- “The greatest art is business art”. In some ways it’s easier to paint or make music without boundaries then it is to figure out what is cool and what will sell, and how to keep something popular.

Socrates, Shakespeare, and the merits of Debate

Today in your class we read Shakespeare and talked about the death penalty. Ben wrote a paragraph not just praising the death penalty, but recommending that we put more people to death and speed up the process.

His position outraged me, and looking back I think I may have actually been angry (though I wouldn’t have admitted it). I’m not a violent person, and it wasn’t an anger that made me want to hurt him, but sitting in my chair I shot up my hand wanting more than anything else to expose him as a fool. Just tear his whole paragraph to shreads- push him and his position into a corner until the only thing he could think to do is break down and say ‘I don’t know. I don’t know why I want to execute people’.

I think I could have done it if you hadn’t interrupted me. If you hadn’t insisted we hear from someone else and let me have go back and forth with him, I could have beaten him. And I would have really enjoyed it.

Now no matter what I said I don’t think he would have admitted that he was wrong, and I was right. It’s comforting to our egos to think that our beliefs are built on a foundation strong enough to withstand a twenty minute debate. If you rattle someone’s beliefs to the point that they cant even think of any response, you should consider the battle won. I hope Ben left the class thinking about what he should have said to me. He’s got time now and can think without the fear of appearing foolish in front of a class. It’s my position that if thinks hard enough about it he’ll come to the realization that I was right, but if after thinking all he has is a better rebuttal against what I said, at least he has built his position ontop of some reason.

What about Marc Antony though? He approached the forum with sympathy and grace and he won the crowd’s allegiance. What would Socrates have to say about it? Antony got what he wanted after pulling some tricks on the audience, but how long could he count on support if he dodged the real issues?

Is it better to be loved, or to be right? Having slick soundbites and lowering expectations can win you elections. George W. Bush won the presidency the same way Antony won the crowd, but now I’m sure there are some people who wish they had known more about his individual policies before voting.

Harold Ford and Tennessee Good Ole’ Boys

It was exciting to see the Democrats win back Congress Tuesday night. I’m happy that we’ve got a good chance at getting a minimum wage increase, stem cell research assistance, and implementation of the 9/11 commissions recommendations. Democrats did well in states where they usually stand little chance, and they won back some voters that haven’t helped put Democrats in office since Regan.

Maybe the only real disappointment of the night came in the defeat of Harold Ford Jr. by Bob Corker in Tennessee. A three term congressman Ford is a member of the ‘Blue Dog Coalition’, a group of social and financially conservative Democrats. He’s a good politician, and his politics are perfect for Tennessee. The only problem is he’s black.

Ford was ahead in the race, when an attack ad featuring a blonde white woman who said they met at “the Playboy party.” At the end of the ad the woman holds her hand up like a phone, winks, and says “Harold, call me.” In the great state of Tennessee the idea of a black man meeting white women at a party must still touch a nerve, because his opponent’s poll numbers surged.

Ford would have been the first black senator ever from the south. It’s outrageous that the Republicans ran this ad, but it’s also outrageous that the voters responded to it. It’s really strange to think that Tennessee is in the same country we are. I can’t help but think that the Civil War was the greatest missed opportunity in our nation’s history. The embarrassing states all said they wanted to go, and millions of men died to stop them. What would we have missed out on? Evangelicalists? George Bush? Larry the Cable Guy? I say we finally take them up on their offer of secession.

Yes I’m happy that the Democrats have got the congress, but it worries me that they did it with a third of the evangelical vote. We need more than a right and a far right wing in our legislature. A lot of these politicians were not elected because of their progressive stances, but because they didn’t have an R after their names, and the leadership will have a hard time getting these representatives to vote with them.

That is how democracy is supposed to work. It’s not a fault of the system, but of the country we live in. It’s too big. The concerns of the people of New York are not the same as the people from Louisiana. What would the harm be of breaking the one country up into smaller entities (besides the people having more of a say)? The Northeast and California could remain the United States, and everything else will become a new country called “Jesusland”. They can legalize slavery, ban abortions, force the teaching of the bible in school, or whatever other crazy thing they come up with, and we’ll fund the sciences, the arts, and implement universal healthcare. Everyone gets what they want.

Happiness and Pre-Law Students

*note: This was written to be read out loud, in front of the class*

In my introduction to sociology class we started watching the documentary “American Movie”, about an independent filmmaker named Mark Borschardt. Borschardt lives in a trailer park in Wisconsin. He has a mullet, works on films with whatever money his elderly uncle will give him, owes lots of people a lot of money, and has never made any money with his movies.

Some people might call Mark a loser. There were plenty of kids in the class that did. I think he’s an American hero. It’s not his fault he was born poor in Wisconsin. This is what he wants to do, and he won’t stop trying just because you don’t think highly of him. He works hard on his films, and never gives up during the three and a half years the documentary was shot in.

I bet the kids that criticized him have never worked that long on anything. We as a society like to mock those with enthusiasm, envy those with success, and discourage those who take a different route. Mark is doing something that makes him happy, and he’s not hurting anyone. I imagine after the documentary about him got popular he’s actually doing fairly well.

We’ve got too many lawyers in this country. Practicing law isn’t as glamorous as on television. You’ve got to take depositions, fill out a lot of paperwork, spend a lot of time researching cases, and none of it’s fun. Even less of it’s important.

I suggest to all of you that if you’re just here for the sake of putting in your four years so you can go to law school and make a lot of money to rethink things. The only way to make that money is to work for big companies doing evil things. If there’s something that you love to do, do it. If you loved working on your family’s farm, go be a farmer. If you want to make films, start making them.

It seems to me that there are two different ways to get “successful” in this country. The first way- which is the most common route and the easier of the two- is to screw somebody over. Build a factory in China and pay people a dollar a day to make socks, then sell them over here for four times that. The other way is to do something you absolutely love, and have everyone admire you because you’re doing what they don’t have the guts to do.

If the only time you’ve ever really been happy is while you’re hiking, and you just don’t feel like you fit in here, I suggest you quit. Just drop out. There’s no shame in it. Lots of people are going to stay even though it goes against their instincts, get straight D’s, not learn anything and then go on to a job that pays what’s considered a respectable wage and absolutely hate it. You on the other hand, will have saved the tuition costs for the next three years, and that’s some consolation. What you do after telling the school you won’t be returning, is hitch hike to the tallest mountain in North America and climb it. Hop on a bus (with some of that cash you’ve saved), and climb the tallest mountain in South America. Meet interesting people. Make your journey- the one that everybody sits in class daydreaming about. Don’t stop until you’ve seen the tops of all the continents and had plenty of adventures. Then write a book about how you quit school to climb mountains and be happy. I’m sure Larry King will want to hear all about it.

(Larry King by the way, did not attend college)

Finding Logic

Today I took a quiz in logic. We’ve been spending classes for at least a week on this one thing- learning how to construct a truth table to easily see if a statement is valid, and compare multiple statements together. It didn’t get turned in for whatever reason, but we went over it, and I got a perfect score.

I guess I was pleased with myself. It’s certainly better than not getting anything right. I didn’t like that I wasn’t going to get any credit for it, but that didn’t bother me too much. What bothered me is that I had missed four of the five classes prior to this. I won’t spend time going over why I missed each class, that’s just how it worked out. I missed the class, I missed the lesson, I barely skimmed over the chapter, and I didn’t fail the test.

That’s what bothers me. I’m paying a lot of money to learn stuff, and while I didn’t know before how to make a truth table, I didn’t need get it taught to me. I read the first couple lines of every paragraph in the beginning half of the chapter when someone told me there’d be a quiz and picked up the concept. So what am I paying all this money for? Far as I can tell, it’s been for a book, and someone to tell me to read it.

I wanted to go to college to learn, and if I can do that by reading a book someone reccomends then I’m really just paying for someone to officially recognize that I’ve got some knowlege. Where’s the sense in that? I always thought during my time in the free schools that you should only have to take a class until you can pass the final exam. Back then I was just annoyed that I had to wait until June to stop going to class and start my vacation, but now I’d like to save some of my money.

Returning to Jazz

In my Sociology of Cool class, we are reading David Amram’s book “Vibrations”. David Amram is a wonderfully accomplished jazz and classical musicians, and “Vibrations” is his memoir. David began playing trumpet and piano as a kid, and went to college for history (playing odd jobs and composing along the way). After college he played in an army band stationed in Germany, and went on to play with all the great jazz musicians of the time, become the first resident composer of the New York Philharmonic, make films with Jack Kerouac, and is today one of the most listened to living composers. He’ll be here in Potsdam next week, and I’m pretty excited to meet him. My sociology teacher says he’s really going to like me, and that I should play with him.

I really related to the first half of the book, where he was learning the french horn and started playing with amateur symphonies, and on odd end gigs in college. He says he wasn’t very good then, which I’m sure is partly because he’s a modest guy, but I saw his progression and was able to see that he is human. Not only did I see he was human, but I pictured my own experiences when I read it.

I’ve played with the Vassar Wind Ensemble, and community orchestras, and inside cramped stage pits. He also shows how successful you can be at music without going to a special school, and that success comes slowly. The movies always have one breakthrough moment for an artist, and it isn’t like that. It seems dumb to say that this book helped me realize that the amazing and intimidating musicians that I’ve met weren’t great once. You would think that’d be obvious, but it’s not something that’s always obvious when you’re sitting there.

I miss my standup now more than ever, and am really excited to play jazz again with this great musician. Dr. Sprenger has promised me time to talk with him, and that he’ll inspire me- I think he’s already done that.

My Invention

I was eating cookie dough ice cream, and thought of a great invention. Individual sized, hand held packages of cookie dough meant to be eaten raw. Eating cookie dough is something I think a lot of people do, but feel guilty about (like listening to pop music). Even though it’s alright to eat little balls of raw cookie dough in my ice cream, for some reason I’ve got the impression it would be frowned on for me to sit on my couch, watch tv, and eat cookie dough straight from the tube. I don’t know why, that’s society for you.

It’s not proper to drink milk or orange juice from a carton either, even if you live alone. Make the bottle more round and easier to hold though, and it becomes acceptable. Go figure.

The makers of “Gogurt” had a similar line of thinking a few years ago. They put flavored yogurt into tiny tubes. They came in a variety of styles- blue and red I think. You would open the tubes, and be able to eat it with one hand by squeezing the yogurt out of the tube with your lips. I don’t know what this solved though. How many people really thought “This yogurt stuff is great, but it would be even better if I could eat it with one hand”? I wonder which people were more grossed out at- the empty tube left over that had been entirely in your mouth, or the name “Gogurt”?